Summary: (The challenge was:) What if *Clark* were to strip for *Lex*?
Categories: Humor, Strip Tease, Truth or Dare, First Time, First Kiss
Notes: Thanks to the girls at the Bunnyfarm for audiencing and beta'ing.
This story was originally written in August 2002 - I forgot about it for ages until in 2007 I was spring cleaning the harddrive... and viola! one fic unearthed.
"I can't *believe* Lex let you borrow the key to this place while he's in Metropolis."
Clark smiled. "It was his idea, when I told him we were gonna have a movie night tonight."
Pete shook his head. "And you're sure there's no small print?"
Chloe shot Clark a crooked grin. "Maybe it's a favor for a favor, Pete."
"No, Chloe, that's just what friends do." He really didn't like it when she smiled like that. He'd learned early in their friendship to fear that smile.
"Come on, Clark. There has to be more to it." Her grin grew wider. "Spill the details, Kent, there's no way, no matter *how* good friends you are with Mr. Bald 'n' Sexy that he isn't getting something out of this."
"Chloe!" Clark blushed. Why couldn't they just accept that Lex was a good friend? Someone who didn't have too many friends, it seemed -- so it was perfectly logical to Clark that Lex would let him borrow things. Even, as in this case, the entertainment room at the Luthor mansion. "It's not like he's gonna be gone all night. He said he'd be back later."
"Ok, ok, Clark, if you say so." Chloe rolled her eyes and Pete snickered.
Clark sighed but kept quiet as he punched the remote to start the movie. Lex had offered the room and since he had a collection of movies that could more or less rival that of the local Blockbuster, the offer had made sense, as had Clark accepting it. It wasn't that Clark was blind to what Chloe was saying. He'd pretty much admitted to himself that he really, *really* liked Lex. Well, it was one thing coming to terms and acknowledging the fact that you'd like to get *ahem* closer to your best ...friend -- in more ways than one. It was an entirely different matter telling people about it. Least of all Lex himself.
"Ok, next movie." Chloe stuck most of her upper body into the cabinet holding the DVDs. Pete was lounging on one end of the couch, Clark at the other end. "Unless of course you guys don't wanna watch anymore?"
"Chloe," Pete groaned. "We've watched four movies already."
"What? Don't tell me you've got a curfew *this* early on a Saturday night."
"No," was the simultaneous answer from both Clark and Pete.
"Chloe," Clark continued, "if it's all the same to you, can't we just channel surf a little and talk, have fun?"
"Oh, sure." She bounced over and threw herself down on the thick rug in front of the couch. "What do you wanna talk about, Clark?"
"I don't know, Pete?" Clark sank back into the couch. This was good -- his closest friends present on a Saturday night, having fun together. And still, something kept nagging him, something he couldn't quite place. Chloe reached up and snatched the remote out of his hand. "Hey!"
"Oh, stop it, Clark, you know I love you, but you're simply not fast enough for channel surfing."
"Nah, Clark, when it comes to this Olympic discipline, none of us can compete with Chloe here."
Clark grinned, sliding down on the couch, making Pete glare at him as he took up more than half of it. "Well, we all have our areas of expertise."
"Yeah, Clark, and we all know what yours is." Chloe smirked at him.
"We do?" Pete frowned.
"Oh we do, Pete." She giggled, munching on her popcorn. "Remember that party last year? The one where we had a little to drink? And Clark had a lot?" she added.
Clark groaned. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"
"Well, Clarkster, you should really be glad that Chloe's been generous enough to not mention it to others and that we were the only ones around at that moment." Pete frowned. "I still don't understand how you got dressed again so fast."
Clark sighed deeply. "I'm just glad the alcohol got out of my system as fast as it did. God, it was embarrassing."
"Well, if it's any consolation Clark..." Chloe hid her grin behind her hand.
Clark closed his eyes. "Yes, Chloe?"
"If you ever go out of the farming business, you could earn loads of cash stripping."
"Claaark!" Chloe mocked him. "Seriously, Clark -- you were amazing."
He leaned back, cheeks burning. He'd prefer not to think back to that night. It had been a dare. One of Pete's jokes. And Clark had to admit that that little incident had kept him from touching alcohol again. "Just... please keep it to yourself."
"Don't worry, Clark." Pete stretched out on the couch. "No one would believe us if we told them that Clark Kent had stripped."
"They certainly wouldn't believe what you hide under all those layers of flannel." Chloe leered up at him.
"Oh, will you please just stop." Clark wished the earth would just open up and swallow him.
A few snickers from his friends and they settled down to watch TV. Clark zoned out, not really noticing the channels Chloe came across.
Clark blinked and looked down at Chloe. They both looked over at Pete, who was snoring lightly. "Yeah?"
"Seriously, did Lex just offer you this?"
He sighed. "Yeah, he wanted us to have fun."
"Clark, how dense are you?"
Clark was taken aback by her words. "What do you mean, dense?"
"Do you mean to tell me that you haven't noticed how he looks at you?" She frowned. "Do you actually mean to tell me that the way you look at *him* isn't something you do consciously?"
"The way... Chloe -- I have no idea of what you're talking about." Still, he couldn't quite help squirming a little.
She twisted around, giving him a searching look. "You're actually serious. Wow."
"Chloe," Clark said slowly. "I'm not sure I know what you're implying here." Was he really that transparent?
"Clark, the two of you flirt more with each other than anyone else I know."
"Chloe! He's my friend!"
Pulling his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees, Clark had to admit she was partly right. And it wasn't as if he hadn't noticed. In the beginning he'd often missed the insinuations, only to remember them when he was alone, never quite sure if he'd imagined it all. Later, he'd simply gotten so used to the extra layer under all their conversations, that he didn't really think about it. Though he missed the way he felt, when Lex didn't flirt or when he wasn't around... like right now. Though maybe Lex being absent was good. Clark wasn't sure he'd survive Lex finding out about his escapades.
Pete yawned and opened his eyes. "Did I miss anything?"
"Only my little talk with Mr. Denial here." Chloe shrugged.
"What is it this time?"
"Nothing!" Clark said, pointedly, glaring at her. "Only..." Clark nodded toward the TV. "Eh, what are we watching?"
"Wohoo," Chloe exclaimed loudly. "Speaking of male strippers!"
Both boys looked at each other, wondering what on earth their friend was talking about.
"God! Don't tell me you've never seen 'The Full Monty'?"
"Eh, no?" Pete answered, shrugging.
"You guys have *got* to see this. Watch this, it's the first time they're practicing together."
"Oh man! Clark, even *you* were better than that."
"Thank you, Pete." Clark grumbled.
A clearing of throat and three heads turned as one. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Clark swallowed hard. "When did you get back?" 'And more importantly, how much did you hear?' Lex was leaning against the door, casual to those who didn't know him. Clark could read him fairly easily, his eyes, the sway of his lean body -- Lex was anything but relaxed.
"I just got in... Clark." Pushing away from the door, Lex passed them on his way to the bar. Every step seemed to be loaded with suppressed energy. "So, did you have fun tonight?" He turned around with the glass of scotch in one hand.
"Yeah, sure." Clark caught himself grinning stupidly. He quickly tried to hide it as Chloe looked first at Lex then at Clark, then smirked knowingly. "Thanks for letting us use the , um, cinema."
"What are friends for?" Lex shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips as his eyes never left Clark's.
"Yeah," Chloe chimed in. "Thanks, Mr. Luthor."
Lex raised an eyebrow, his gaze barely leaving Clark. "Please, Chloe, it's Lex -- Mr. Luthor makes me sound like my father."
"Ok, sure... Lex, then."
Pete looked questioningly at her, then shrugged as she shook her head, winking at him. "Yeah, thanks," he said.
"You're all quite welcome." Lex downed his scotch and went to get another one.
"Oh dear, will you *look* at the time." Chloe made a big show out of checking her watch. "It should be time for us to leave, right Pete?"
"Eh, yeah, I guess." Pete kept looking from Chloe, to Clark, to Lex and back to Chloe. Then he blinked, eyebrows rising -- looking one more time from Clark to Lex and back. A frown was spreading on his face as Chloe tugged as his arm.
"I'll drop you off on the way, Pete." She turned to Clark. "Need a lift, Clark?"
Clark was tempted to say yes, but somehow his mouth answered without consulting with his brain. "Nah, it's ok, you're not going in that direction anyway." Besides, he really wasn't in the mood to listen to Chloe's teasing. And somehow he had the feeling Pete wouldn't like it either -- his friend wasn't exactly thrilled about Clark's friendship with Lex.
Those were perfectly sound reasons for not going with Chloe and Pete as they said their good nights. The Kent farm wasn't on her way anyway. Then again -- he was left with Lex -- alone -- as the car pulled out of the driveway. "Um... I best be on my way too." Clark hated the insecurity in his voice.
"Mmm, wait a little, please?" Lex motioned him to follow -- back inside. "When's your curfew?" Lex asked over his shoulder.
"I don't have any -- as long as I get my chores done in the morning." Oops. Clark bit his lower lip. He hadn't meant to tell Lex that. Had meant to let Lex think he'd have to be home pretty soon. Clark was beginning to feel like someone had re-wired the communication between his brain and his mouth -- or maybe even disconnected it.
"Good". Lex went back into the entertainment room, waited for Clark to step inside then closed the door behind him.
Clark thought for a moment he'd heard the turn of the lock, but dismissed it as pure imagination. "Anything special you wanted?" When Lex turned his attention back to him, came closer -- almost violating Clark's private space, he had to swallow hard -- had the temperature suddenly gone up? Had someone brought meteors into the room? Why was Lex looking at him so oddly?
"I just want you to answer a question -- and I want the truth." Lex kept his gaze, heavy-lidded. The tip of his tongue flickered out to moisten his lips.
Clark found himself unconsciously copying the movement. He noticed how Lex's eyes widened slightly, watching his mouth. "Lex?"
"Have you been drinking?" Clark was fairly sure he could smell something other than scotch on Lex's breath. And since when was Lex standing close enough for him to smell that?
"Just a little, Clark." His lips curved up into a small smile. "So how about it, Clark? Wanna do a game of truth or dare?"
Clark almost choked. The air felt thick in the room, pulsating, making him feel odd as his own heartbeat seemed to settle into the same rhythm. "Lex?"
"What's it gonna be, Clark?"
"I..." Clark hesitated. He didn't have to do this -- he didn't feel obliged to do so -- Lex hadn't demanded anything in return for his favors. 'Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.' Clark took a deep breath. "If I say truth?"
Lex closed his eyes, the smile widening a little. "You tell me what Pete meant by 'even you were better than that'?"
Clark felt his chest tighten. "And if I say dare?" 'Please God, don't do this to me...'
"You *show* me what it was Pete was talking about."
"I..." Clark's voice faltered. "I don't have to do this..."
"Of course not... Clark." The voice was silk-like. Almost as if Lex didn't really care. One look, however, at his eyes told Clark the exact opposite.
"So... I could... should... probably leave now..." Clark said, but made no move to leave.
"Mmm, probably." Lex's blue-gray eyes lit up for a second, mischief shining in them. "Unless I can somehow... convince you to take the dare..."
"Ngh... no way." Clark struggled to regain his posture. Lex was smaller than he was, but somehow he seemed to tower over Clark at the moment.
"Ah, so you're claiming that Mr. Ross is wrong, then?"
"Huh?" Lex wasn't really trying to make him do what Clark thought he was, was he? Of course not! 'Clark Kent, you're grasping at straws, seeing things...' "Lex?" Clark's voice broke before he could continue. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Lex, how much did you hear of our conversation?"
"Just Pete's last words... -- though I can imagine what he was talking about, as... strange as it sounds, though."
The look on Lex's face had Clark breathing a little faster. A little smile, lips lightly parted, his gaze concentrated. The heavy feeling in his chest had moved south, heat pooling in his groin. Clark begged silently that Lex wouldn't look down, wouldn't notice... "Lex..."
Lex shrugged and took a step back. "Ok, no problem."
Clark felt... deprived, suddenly missing the closeness, the tension. He let out his breath he hadn't even noticed he'd been holding. This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening. Lex was his friend, a guy. Clark could share this with him, however embarrassing, could even repeat the... show, all in good fun, right? So why did the idea of doing something like this in front of Lex seem so... strange. Why did the idea of *showing* Lex make his hairs stand on ends, made his legs shake and sweat bead on his forehead?
'You're sick, Clark, seriously sick. Lex is your friend -- he's just teasing you -- that's the explanation.' Clark steadied himself. 'It's not like he's expecting me to do it, right?'
"Can't I even convince you to... hmmm, to do it if you can have anything in return?"
"Anything?" Clark had to admit his interest had been peeked. Not that he was even *thinking* about doing it.
Lex didn't even hesitate. "Anything." He tried to hide a smile of victory, but succeeded only partly.
Clark realized he'd been defeated the same moment the thought crossed his mind. That he could do this. He didn't even know what to ask for from Lex in return. It didn't really matter, Clark realized. It seemed enough that Lex was ready to offer anything for Clark... stripping.
As he nodded his agreement, something struck Clark. "I... all the way?"
"That's up to you, Clark." Lex's features were unreadable. "But the more you... shed, the closer you are to proving Pete right."
Clark was well aware of the fact that he was being baited -- shamelessly. He swallowed. He'd have to come up with something he wanted -- something Lex could provide, to pay for this. Maybe a trip in the LuthorCorp helicopter? "You don't want to know in advance what I want in return?" 'Oh God! What am I getting myself into here?' Clark realized that he'd pretty much given his consent when he'd voiced the question.
He wasn't the only one noticing that. Lex's eyes lit up and his smile. God! His smile was enough to make Clark's knees weak. Maybe he should have accepted a ride home with Chloe. As much as his friends would tease -- at that point he could at least still have convinced them that they were seeing things -- that Lex wasn't interested in him in *that* way. He could even have convinced himself of that -- Clark was good at it -- turning a blind eye to things.
If anyone else could see Lex right now -- there was no way they could miss exactly *what* kind of interest Lex had in his friend. Even Clark couldn't ignore it.
"So... you're gonna do it." It was a statement, not question as Lex went to sit on the couch, kicked his shoes off and pulled his feet up under him, making himself comfortable -- very comfortable. "Any special wishes in music?" was all he said, watching Clark with anticipation.
"Eh, not really..."
Lex shrugged, grabbed the multi-remote, thought about it for a moment and then with a wicked grin returned his attention to Clark. "I think I've got the right one."
Maybe if he closed his eyes when he did it? Clark stood in the middle of the floor as the music began playing. He frowned. He was fairly sure he knew this one... God! Lex was gonna pay for this. Not daring to open his eyes to look at Lex, Clark tried to get into the music, as Robbie Williams blared out of the loudspeakers.
Hell is gone and heaven's here...
Clark zoned out the voice, moving with the music. It wasn't that he didn't have a sense of rhythm, but it was more than a little unnerving to know that Lex was watching him. Maybe that trick where you imagined everyone else present naked would work... Clark almost moaned out loud. Ok, of course it didn't! Idiot.
Sliding his shirt down over his shoulders, catching it before it fell to the floor disposing of it to the side with a casual flip of the wrist. 'Concentrate on the drum, the bass...' Clark kept his eyes shut finally getting into it. He could do this -- as long as he didn't think about who was present. He was actually glad that he'd kicked his boots off earlier -- so he didn't have to stop and pry open the laces -- which would have meant he'd have to open his eyes. This was far better. The music drowned out everything in the room.
Little Bo Peep lost his sheep, popped a pill and fell asleep...
Clark slowly pulled his t-shirt up, out of his jeans, body swaying in time to the music. He could still feel the burn on his cheeks but he could concentrate on this -- ignore the embarrassment -- at least for now.
Come on, let me entertain you...
Clark flung the t-shirt to the side. Without giving it another thought, he opened his eyes and looked over at Lex. And somehow he wished he hadn't. And yet he was thrilled he had. Lex was watching him with the utmost concentration, tongue flickering out to moisten his lips. His breathing was coming faster as well. Gripping the armrest with his right hand -- and Clark was sure there'd be finger-shaped marks in it the following day.
And Clark couldn't close his eyes again. He finally began understanding what allure there was to having this sort of power over another human being. And Lex was definitely no longer the one in control. Clark understood that, as his fingers moved to unbutton his jeans. Lex's eyes followed his hands with intense interest, not wanting to miss a thing.
Sliding his jeans down as elegantly as he could, kicking them aside, Clark was left standing in his briefs. As the music faded out, Lex finally broke his stare, closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. Clark was glad he'd timed it right and kept his boxers on, as an idea began taking shape in his mind. He knew exactly what he wanted -- and he'd keep one last little bargaining item with him just in case Lex refused. Lex *had* said that he could ask for *anything* -- and Lex was a man of his word -- especially when it came to things concerning Clark -- at least he hoped so.
Taking a few tentative steps forward, Clark went to stand right in front of Lex. "Lex?"
"Mmm," came the low reply. It was as if Lex didn't trust his own voice at the moment -- well, that was for Clark's advantage -- Lex was intelligent and had a sharp tongue. Speechless Lex was much better for this.
"I'd like to claim my payment for this."
"Ngh... anything Clark -- just ask..."
"Even if I didn't go all the way?"
Lex nodded, eyes still closed, but didn't say anything.
Clark hunched in front of the couch, leaned forward and hesitated for half a heartbeat. 'This is madness -- absolutely lunacy.' Taking a deep breath, he closed the space between them and kissed Lex, softly, then leaned back again, to watch Lex finally open his eyes to stare with disbelief at Clark.
"What..." He was visibly shaken. "What are you doing, Clark?" he croaked.
'What if I'm wrong?' Clark shook his head to clear it. There was no way Lex would have dared him to this if he wasn't interested in him *that* way. 'Don't back down, Clark,' he told himself. 'You'll never get another chance like this one.'
Lex's breath had become faster, his eyes fastened to Clark's lips. Ok, so Lex wasn't as composed as he'd like to appear. Clark wetted his lips watching with fascination as Lex mirrored his move. Clark realized he was achingly hard. He'd been so caught up in his concern that Lex might not want him after all to notice it.
Chancing a look down, Clark could see that feeling was mutual. Even if Lex seemed surprised, his body wasn't. A fact that made Clark smile as he slowly lifted his head again, looking at Lex from under his lashes. "I think you know perfectly well what I'm doing -- I'm returning interest." With that Clark leaned forward again, a little afraid if he waited too long he'd lose his nerve.
As their lips touched again, Lex went rigid under him, grasping his shoulders as if to push him back. Somewhere in Clark's mind a little voice was telling him just *how* wrong this was. A voice that was killed off the second Lex sighed deeply, his lips parted and his body molded to Clark's. And Clark had thought just the feeling of Lex's lips against his had been good. It was nothing compared to the second Lex's tongue flickered out, dancing over Clark's teeth, finding its counterpart. That was approximately the same moment Clark's mind short-circuited, because suddenly he couldn't have strung together a coherent sentence, even if his life depended upon it. All that was going through his head was 'Lex gooood. Kissing gooood. Kissing Lex, even better...'
He could make out the lingering taste of scotch and whatever else it was Lex had been drinking. Somehow it annoyed Clark to no end. Somewhere, beneath it, had to be the real Lex. Dead-set on finding it, Clark took over the kiss, surprisingly easy. Pushing his tongue forward for a moment, he could feel Lex's surprise that eventually turned to small, keening noises. Licking and teasing Lex's mouth proved to be quite an experience. Even when Clark for a moment thought of how odd it was to suddenly be in control. Lex was the one who was supposed to be in control, not him, not Clark, not the inexperienced teenager.
But what a rush of power it proved to be. It coursed through his veins as they slid down to lie flat on the couch, Clark still on top. He could feel Lex trying to gain control again and did his best to fight it. Wouldn't hurt his friend to lose a little of his calm, cool attitude, especially not if the outcome was this exciting.
And Lex kept fighting. Not for one second to stop what they were doing, no, he clearly wanted this as much as Clark, but he didn't seem to content with Clark calling the shots. Which meant Clark had to fight him all the way, while making sure he got him off as well. Unconsciously shifting his hips, Clark almost broke off their kiss to scream. All there was between his own cock and Lex's was the thin cotton of his briefs and Lex's slacks and, Clark wondered, his underwear. Happy that his body seemed to instinctively know what to do, Clark pushed against him, ground down, alternating between hard and brief pressure and slower grinding movements.
He felt Lex's body beginning to move in beat with his, both clearly straining toward the same goal. Clark felt his body tense as he finally found his release and a moment later the tremors going through Lex told him that he wasn't the only one.
Sucking on Lex's tongue, Clark finally allowed himself to let go of the control he'd just gained. Neither of them seemed to be fighting for it anymore, now that the initial edge had been taken off. Still moving together, still kissing, they stayed on the couch for a little while longer. Clark finally broke the kiss and buried his face in Lex's neck, breathing hard. 'God! What have I done?'
"Clark, how... fuck! What..." Lex buried his fingers in Clark's hair, pulling his head back up to look him in the eyes.
Clark dreaded what Lex might have to say, but the look of sheer amazement, surprise mixed with soft affection and lingering desire had him swallowing hard. Clark suddenly felt a smile spreading on his face, a smug smile -- but hey! He was allowed, it wasn't every day you could get away with turning a cool, intelligent gazillionaire into an incoherent debauched 21-year-old.
'What...?' Clark sighed contentedly as he realized Lex was subconsciously playing with his hair. Clark's grin widened as he buried his face again, nipping and licking at Lex's neck, intrigued by the varying contented little noises that were escaping Lex.
"Isn't there something about this that strikes you as being wrong?"
"Sure there is."
Lex's fingers stopped their combing through his hair, his body stilled beneath Clark's. "And?"
"For starters," Clark sucked on the thin skin where Lex's neck and shoulder met, pulling the collar of the shirt down.. "You're wearing too many clothes."
"God, Clark, are you serious about this?" Somewhere deep down, under the semi-controlled voice was something else, a little fear.
Clark frowned. Lex couldn't possibly be fearing rejection, like Clark was -- or could he? "After the show I just put on, how can you doubt it?" It stung a little that Lex would think like that, but if he truly feared that Clark would do this and then walk away...
"You're a teenager, Clark -- 90% of your thoughts are concentrated on some sex related topic. And it was probably not the best thing to dare you into stripping for me."
"Wrong, Lex." Clark reached between them and began unbuttoning Lex's shirt.
"Oh yeah?" Lex's reply was a little breathless, his pale skin warm as Clark's fingers slid lower to tuck the shirt out of Lex's slacks.
"Yeah." Clark kissed his way down Lex's chest, marveling at the feel of skin, the taste and smell of Lex filling every sense. "Right now it's concentrating 110% upon sex -- but it's not my fault you know."
"Nah-ah." Clark put his weight on his hands, swiftly looking up the length of Lex's torso. Then he pushed the shirt aside, slid forward again and licked a wet trail from Lex's abs to his left nipple. The squirming under him was driving him crazy as Lex moved to arch up against him. Clark's lips closed around the nipple and Lex's arms tightened around him. "Right now it's your fault for being so darned edible," *nip* "sexy," *nip* "flirty." *nip* . Clark moved upward, over Lex's collarbone, along Lex's jaw, sucking on his earlobe, licking a wet trail from temple to the top of Lex's head. "And bald."
"Clark!" The choked reply was lost as Lex started laughing.
Clark felt warm all over -- and he was glad he'd taken it as far as he had. "So, you forgive me?"
"Clark, you're not the one who should beg for forgiveness." He sighed deeply, pulling Clark closer. "Seriously -- I don't know what to do now -- where this will take us... " He closed his eyes, a soft warm smile grazing his lips. "But if you have an idea in which direction we're going here, feel free to share."
"I do, Lex." Clark nipped at Lex's bottom lip. The smile on Lex's face was one he hadn't seen before -- and one he'd like to see much more of.
"Oh, where?" Lex opened his eyes again -- for once looking close to happy.
"Preferably your bedroom," Clark answered with a grin, "because this couch just isn't wide enough for this."
As Lex buried his face against Clark's neck, laughing helplessly, Clark realized how lucky he was. But he wasn't stupid enough to think they could continue this without getting into some kind of trouble. Then again -- he didn't really want to think about it at the moment. He almost laughed out loud as he suddenly wondered what Chloe and Pete would say if they ever knew what had happened after they'd left. Maybe he should take up stripping as a profession. He chuckled at the thought.
"What?" Lex followed him as he stood, pushing Clark in the direction of what would hopefully be the bedroom.
"Maybe I should become a pro stripper?" Clark answered jokingly.
"Oh no you don't," Lex mock-glared at him. "The only one you're stripping for will be me."
"Sounds good too." Clark let himself be pushed down the hallway, already brewing plans as to getting rid of Lex's clothes as well. Maybe Clark could convince him to strip for him. Couldn't hurt to try...