Things You See When You're Plum Out of Batteries
Co-written with Nicci

Pairing: Malcolm Reynolds/Jayne Cobb
 
Category: Humor, smut, porn, rough sex
 
Rating: NC17
 
Summary: It came in waves. There was never any real warning and after the first few times, Mal just learned to live with it. Sort of.
 
Notes: A game of Fic tag if you want to call it that. We threw words at each other and took turns writing, in the name of trying to jolt some life into our lazy muses. The difference here from the others we've done? We started this sitting on the same couch *g* and finished via AIM ages later.
 
ximeria's Notes: It's not easy watching TV and writing at the same time, passing the lappie back and forth. It was fun, though it also bring back the sad fact that we're divided by geography again :(
 
nicci_mac's Notes: I would like to note that Ximeria is almost entirely responsible for this fic. I merely added the occassional sentance while watching tv. I may have been slightly drunk at the time too. But then, what's new. eh?
 
Thanks to: Joy for the thorough beta and sound suggestions.

It came in waves. There was never any real warning and after the first few times, Mal just learned to live with it. Sort of.

It always started almost the same way. One moment Mal would be doing his own stuff and the next, he would find himself forced up against the wall in some dark corner of the ship.

At least Jayne had that much sense of privacy.

Mal could, he knew, just try to avoid being alone with Jayne at any point, but it was simply not that easy. Even when Mal tried to do so, he would find himself dragged off.

"Jayne, I'm..." Mal started to say, but he was cut short by Jayne's hand, covering his mouth. Jayne's breath was hot against Mal's neck as he hissed for him to be quiet.

"Jayne," Mal tried again, but his voice was muffled and he found himself terribly short of breath. It could, he figured, partly be blamed on Jayne squishing the air out of him as he pressed him up against the cold metal wall. But part of it was also down to the fact that they were not alone in the hold. Mal thought about warning Jayne, thought about shoving him away, spinning him around and pointing him at Kaylee, who had just wandered in. She was, of course, totally oblivious to their presence. Her attention was focused on the piece of equipment in her hands.

If he made a sound, if either of them did, she would look up and see them. He wasn't particularly bothered if she found out about them. He didn't think of Jayne as a dirty little secret or anything. That wasn't what kept him silent.

No, it was the little thrill of excitement that shot through him at the idea of being caught in the act. He shouldn't feel that way, but he did.

Mal reached up and grabbed Jayne's head, getting a good grip on his jaw, drawing his head up and back. For a moment he just stared into Jayne's eyes, making sure that Jayne caught his lips curving into a nasty smile.

Pulling Jayne's head to the side, Mal bowed his head and put his lips against Jayne's collar. He licked his way up to Jayne's ear and finished it off by sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of the earlobe.

Mal wished he had something with which he could record the noise Jayne made. The big bastard would never admit to whimpering, even if that was exactly what he was doing.

Taking a deep breath, Mal closed his eyes. He kept his hold on Jayne's head and buried his nose against the damp skin. The scent of dust, dirt, gun oil and sweat probably shouldn't' be as much of a turn on as it was, but Mal's body seemed to enjoy the mixture.

Opening his eye, Mal caught sight of Kaylee over Jayne's shoulder. He held his breath as she straighten up, her head tilting to the side as if she'd heard something, but then she shrugged and returned her attention to the machinery.

Then he lost track of what Kaylee was doing when Jayne decided to get even by threading strong fingers through Mal's hair, tugging his head back and sinking his teeth into Mal's throat. It was a small miracle that Mal managed to keep a groan from escaping.

White-hot desire shot through his veins and his eyes drifted closed. He was having trouble keeping his knees locked. It was damned lucky that Jayne had slipped one leg between his knees to steady him.

He figured they must make an interesting sight. No doubt Kaylee would find it hilarious if she decided to poke around in the shadows. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care. Mal rubbed against Jayne, enjoying the pressure of Jayne's thigh against his erection. With a shiver, he let go of Jayne altogether, placing his palms against the wall behind him, then he arched his back and fully bared his throat, from chin to collarbone. He did not even think about how significant it was to do so, but the heavy intake of breath made him tilt his head and the look on Jayne's face was both scary and...

...more of a turn-on than he would have ever expected. Or dared to consider.

"Mal..." Jayne's grunt sent an almost electric current through Mal's body. He'd never have guess that Jayne put that much into his name. Mal widened his stance as much as he could, putting even more pressure against his aching erection.

A quick peek over Jayne's shoulder revealed they were alone and Mal wondered if Kaylee had wandered off again without noticing them. Then again, he didn't really give a damn because what Jayne was doing to his neck felt so good it couldn't possibly be legal.

Then again, even if it was ever deemed illegal, Mal couldn't care less since he'd been known to misbehave on occasion... when the fancy took him. Hell, he was sure everyone expected it of him these days.

Jayne's fingers untangled themselves from his hair, slid down his arms and hauled his shirt out of his pants. Not so much as a 'please' or 'excuse me'.

"Go Se!" Mal gasped. "You got a pressin' need for something?"

"Your gorram ass," Jayne hissed, pressing himself impossibly closer to Mal, as if he was trying like he was trying to climb inside Mal's skin.

When Jayne finally got a hand inside his pants, Mal let out a yell that was so loud it seemed to echo through the whole ruttin' ship. Sweat stung his eyes and his own yell reverberated in his ears. Mal clawed at the wall, then grabbed at Jayne's pants, trying to get them open as well.

Jayne's fingernails dug into Mal's arm and before Mal could say anything, his pants were pulled down and he was turned around, face squashed against the wall.

"Crazy huan dan," Jayne growled in Mal's ear. Mal felt the shift in Jayne's body as he undid his own pants and suddenly the clothing that had been a barrier between them was gone.

Much as Mal liked it rough, he was no masochist. He'd tried taking Jayne dry before and then had trouble sitting down afterwards. He didn't mind pain, but if he could avoid it, he would.

"Slick," he hissed, turning his head so that Jayne would hear him well enough. "Tell me you got some slick hidden about your person or so help me, I will kick your ass from here to the Core."

Jayne sniggered rudely. "What's the matter, Mal? Scared?"

Mal tried to shove him away, but Jayne was ready for him. He gave Mal the feeling of gaining the upper hand before he slammed him so hard back against the bulkhead that Mal knew he'd have bruises. "Shit!" he protested. He really loved it when Jayne went Neanderthal on him.

"Don't fret, Cap'n." Jayne crooned in his ear. "I got enough slick to make you nice an' wet. Ain't promising you won't feel a bit of chafin', cuz I ain't exactly small in the John Thomas department...."

"Shut the fuck up," Mal growled. This was madness. Complete and utter madness, but he wanted it so bad he could almost taste it. "Before I change my mind."

Jayne's laugh was downright evil. "Mal, Mal, Mal," he said, a condescending tone to his breathless voice. "We both know you're blowing smoke out yer ass."

Just to top it off, Jayne pushed his hard cock against Mal's cleft, sweat easing the slide a little. Not enough to make it nice and pleasant, but it was enough to make it feel rough in a way that Mal actually liked very much. He didn't want to stop. He was feeling too good and there was no other place or situation he'd rather be in.

The fact that Jayne knew him so well should probably upset Mal. He was strong enough to handle Jayne physically, but when Jayne got this way, stopping him was about the furthest thought from Mal's mind.

Even with Jayne grinding against his ass, Mal tried to think, tried to get his thoughts back to the absurdity of doing this out in the middle of the ship where anyone could walk by and discover them rutting against the wall.

Jayne dug his fingers into his hip and Mal forgot all his coherent thoughts. With his free hand, he pushed two slick fingers inside of Mal. It was almost torture to Mal, but it was the kind he would be a fool to want to end

Breath hot against Mal's ear, Jayne whispered, voice rough and low. "I'm going to spread you open," he said, licking along Mal's earlobe, sucking on it. Mal shivered. "I'm gon' to do you sooo good," Jayne promised, another hard thrust of his finger before he pulled out to roughly push in three fingers. "I'm gon' do you so good you won't be able to sit for a week without remembering me, remembering this." He thrust forward hard and without holding back the least.

"'s all good an' well," Mal grunted, trying to gather enough brain cells to even the battleground. "But I thought you were gonna fuck me, Jayne, not talk me to death."

"Oh, you're asking for it, Mal," Jayne whispered, his voice low and rough, taking Mal's hips in a bruising grip.

Mal gasped, dropping his head back as he felt the blunt end of Jayne's cock nudge his entrance. "Actually... I thought I was... beggin' for it," he managed to pant before Jayne screwed his hips forward, angling them just so. "Ah fuck yeah."

"You want more?" Jayne asked, holding Mal's hips still and point blank refusing to go as deep as Mal needed.

"You ain't being at all courteous here, Jayne," Mal braced his hands on the wall and tried to thrust backwards, but Jayne anticipated the manoeuvre, shifting backward.

Mal moaned. He was desperate now. More than ready to take Jayne as deep as he could go, but the annoying bastard seemed to want to play games. Maybe, in the privacy of his own bunk, Mal would have found that a lot of fun. But out here, in the open with his ass waving in the wind, he was in no mood for it. "Jayne, fuck me. That's an order!"

"Aye, aye cap'n tightpants," Jayne jeered, surging forward without warning. Mal couldn't help but yelp. "You bastard!" he gasped, letting his sweaty head rest a moment of the wall.

Another snap of the hips, and Jayne drove forward again. Mal's hands slipped on the wall and he winced as he hit it, chest first, his nipples reacting to the impact with the cold hull. He wasn't even going to think about how uncomfortable it was as his over sensitized cock slid against the icy hull as well. Clawing at the wall, but not finding any purchase, Mal growled and eventually managed to push Jayne back enough to brace himself again. Just in time for Jayne to pick up his pace.

There was no meaning to the words that escaped Jayne. Mal caught swearing and sweet-talk in rapid succession, as well as promises and threats. Suddenly Jayne slowed down to a halt, buried balls-deep. A slow, gyrating movement made Mal groan with pleasure as Jayne skilfully rubbed against Mal's prostate with every movement.

Jayne pulled at the neck of Mal's shirt, licking along the flesh and muscle that connected shoulder and neck. Jayne sucked on it, and Mal knew he was being marked. "Like this?" Jayne asked and Mal just knew the bastard was smirking.

"Jayne, I don't take none too well to being... aaaaah." The last came out in an embarrassing high-pitched shout. Jayne sunk his teeth into the flesh, obviously biting hard enough to leave more than just a little red spot. For an insane moment, Mal wondered if he could come from this alone, without touching his cock, because Jayne seemed to be neglecting doing anything about it anyway. Mal swallowed hard and realized that his legs were shaking. He couldn't take the almost constant stimulation of his prostate. "Gorram it, Jayne," he panted, "enough, is enough... fuck me already! Please!"

When Jayne spoke, the brush of hot breath made Mal shiver. He could feel Jayne's hot breath on the back of his neck. "See now, all you had to do was ask nicely." And suddenly Jayne was moving, snapping his hips rapidly back and forth, fucking Mal so deep and so hard that within seconds Mal was seeing stars.
Mal flexed his fingers helplessly against the metal wall until Jayne lifted one hand, entwining it with Mal's, giving him something solid to hold onto while his world flew apart. "Oh!" His eyes shot open. "God!" Jayne had let go of him with his other hand, wrapping his fingers around Mal's erection, leaving it up to Mal to provide some of the snap, some of the movement, fucking himself on Jayne's cock.

For a while, Mal could focus on nothing but making it as good as possible. The slid in and out of his body, counterpoint to Jayne's tight grip on his cock. He was so lost in just feeling, that his completion took him completely by surprise.

His whole body going rigid, Mal shouted Jayne's name as his orgasm was ripped out of him almost painfully. He was glad that Jayne's body helping him stay on his feet, because he feared he might have actually passed out for a moment. The hand wringing the last semen from his cock loosened, although for a few minutes, Jayne didn't let go, he seemed to be enjoying holding Mal.

Mal rode the waves of euphoria, trying to breathe in enough air as his heart slowed down and Jayne gently pulled out of him, releasing his death grip, finger by finger. "C'mon, Mal," he whispered in his ear. "Can't let your naked ass freeze in the middle of the cargo hold." Strong hands hauled Mal's pants back up and tucked in his shirt while Mal merely slumped against the wall.

A sudden noise from behind made both men turn. Kaylee smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders. "Um, sorry 'bout that, Capt'n. I know I shoulda... but you were so.... And it's been so long." She flushed bright red and stuffed her hands into her pockets. "I'll be in my bunk," she grinned, sprinting out of the hold before Mal could think of anything to say.

"Hell of a show we just put on," he commented ruefully. "I think we may have corrupted our poor, innocent mechanic beyond redemption."

Jayne snorted and slapped Mal hard on the ass before tucking his own impressive assets away. "Kaylee? Innocent? Hell, Mal, that girl don't have an innocent bone in her body. So the final question is - are you gonna tell her, or am I?"

"Tell her what?" Mal asked.

"That we're plumb out of batteries." Jayne almost managed to look innocent, but had to ruin it by licking Mal's spunk off his fingers.

Mal felt the grin spread over his face. Figured that was one job he was happy to delegate to Jayne.

The End