Category: humor, smut, porn
Summary: Sometimes people surprise you.
Thanks to: Lady Ivy and Aukestrel for their beta -- and Aukestrel for making me laugh out loud by suggesting that if you give Jayne an inch, he takes a few light years! *g* To which I have to agree.
"In there!" Jayne turned his head as Mal pointed at the old run-down barn.
"As long as there ain't no one in there," Jayne muttered, keeping an eye on the dry dirt path they'd come down.
"We'll deal with them if there is," Mal panted as he pulled the door open, just enough for them to slip through. Pausing inside, Mal waited for his eyesight to adjust to the dim light.
The old barn was, if possible, dinkier on the inside than it'd been on the outside. A few streaks of sunlight came through cracked boards and the air was thick with dust motes.
Jayne disappeared into the shadows and Mal slipped along the other side of the room. They had to make sure it was a safe place for hiding out until it got dark. The cover of night would make it easier to get back to the shuttle.
A shift next to Mal nearly sent his heart up through his throat. Go se, the man could move silently enough when he wanted to.
"Ain't no one here," Jayne said in a low voice. "There's a ladder in the corner; figure it'd be easier to defend higher ground."
"Unless they torch the place," Mal muttered as he followed Jayne toward the ladder. A snort from somewhere in front of him told him that his comment hadn't gone unheard.
"What about tracks?" Mal whispered upward as he watched Jayne scale the ladder. Even in the little light there was, it wasn't a bad sight. Not as much fun as looking up a skirt, but Mal wasn't complaining.
Jayne gave him a hand up the final two steps. The light up there was a little brighter and he watched Jayne shake his head as he rearranged some old broken crates to serve as a little cover.
"Ground's so dry 'n' cracked you'd need a ruttin' good tracker to pick up anything."
"Well, you can say a lot about Curtis' men, but bright they ain't," Mal said as he slipped down to sit beside Jayne, waiting for the day to pass.
"Heh," was all the answer he got from Jayne, who seemed to be listening intently. "Can't hear 'em, but we better wait here for night."
Mal nodded and sat back, trying to get comfortable on the hay strewn wooden floor. "Neither of us have slept since yesterday. We've got around ten hours till dusk. Means about five hours of sleep for each."
Jayne grunted and shifted Vera around. "Can't sleep, too keyed up."
"I know what you mean," Mal sighed. "But we need rest."
"I need to blow some steam before I can get any shuteye," Jayne complained.
"You could always jerk off," Mal suggested, half in jest and feeling no less jittery.
Jayne watched him for a moment, obviously giving Mal's suggestion some thought. "There is that."
Mal's eyes widened when Jayne handed him his gun and started undoing his fly. Feeling heat rush to his face, he turned his head, trying to act as if he was keeping an ear out for trouble. Not that he expected any. The woods they'd crossed through had lent them more than enough cover to escape Curtis' men. Nightfall would give them a chance to sneak back past them.
He should have known that Curtis would turn on them. Actually, he had expected it, which was why he'd taken Jayne and Vera along for the trip. They'd gotten their money and a merry chase through the woods. At least the shuttle was well hidden. Unfortunately, it was a few miles in the other direction.
Next to him, Jayne shifted a little, letting out a low grunt.
Mal couldn't help turning his head a little, catching a glimpse of Jayne's fist moving up and down, the sound of flesh against flesh... A fine mess he'd gotten himself into.
Jayne's movements slowed and a soft, slightly breathless chuckle drew his attention back again. "Wanna give me a hand, Cap'n?"
Mal tried to give him the most sincere 'no' he could, but it never made it past his lips. All he could do was watch.
"Probably for the better," Jayne muttered, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "Someone should keep eyes and ears open for those idjits."
Mal nodded, trying to tear his eyes away from Jayne's hand. His fingers itched to touch himself... or even better, Jayne, but he tightened his grip on Vera and kept them where they were.
With a grunt, Jayne shifted his legs apart, just in time to avoid spattering too much come on himself. Mal swallowed hard as one strong leg rubbed against his own and the smell of semen in the air made his own body ache all the more.
Mal closed his eyes as Jayne shifted again next to him. Another movement and Mal opened them again, though keeping his eyes on Vera.
"Her safety's off," Jayne yawned. "Wake me up in five hours." With that, he twisted a little, put his head on Mal's shoulder and went out like a light.
"Hwoon dahn," Mal muttered as he tried to get comfortable. He didn't have much success. He looked down at the gun in his hands and wondered when it had all taken a turn into Weirdville.
What the hell had just happened? He'd meant the suggestion as a joke, hadn't he? He hadn't exactly managed to hide his interest, though.
Well, if he was lucky, Jayne wouldn't mention it... ever.
Mal fought off a slightly hysterical grin. He was normally more in control of himself, but with the smell of sex lingering in the air, his body refused to let him forget, let him calm down.
'Life sucks,' ht thought to himself. It had been ages since he'd gotten laid and here Jayne had offered to let him give a hand...
And he hasn't taken it. Sagwa.
Then he had to ask himself what would happen if he had? Or ever did? Normally Mal kept his hands off the crew 'cause there was a world o' trouble if he opened that box. It would bring him nothing but trouble... The question was, if it was worth it.
Jayne wasn't the kind of man you should trust or let get too close... the latter was kinda moot by now, not just with Jayne, but the entire crew. Each and every one of them had come too close already. They were far more like family than crew.
Complications. If he got involved, even just for the sex... Aw gui, who was he trying to kid? He would never be good at keeping it 'just sex', not in the long run. Not if he had to make sure that Jayne would follow his orders, not try to gain any favors by bedding the captain. Then again, maybe he should ask Jayne what he thought he might be getting from it.
The next time Mal shook the confusing thought off him, it was time to wake up Jayne, who was breathing deeply against his neck.
"Jayne..." he whispered, touching the shoulder pushed up against his. There wasn't much of a shift in Jayne's body, but his breathing changed significantly.
"Time for a nap, Cap'n?" Jayne asked with a yawn.
Thoughts were still flying left and right in Mal's mind, which, at any later date, he figured was partly why he didn't watch what he was saying. "If I can," he muttered.
Then his heart nearly stopped as a heavy hand landed in his lap. "What the gui...?"
"Don't go all prissy on me, Mal," Jayne warned as he deftly undid Mal's trousers. Turning his head, Jayne nuzzled his neck, licking a path from the collar of Mal's shirt to his ear, mouthing the lobe, biting into it, hard enough to make Mal gasp out loud.
Mal dug his fingers into Jayne's arm, wanting to push him away. Unfortunately that was the very moment that Jayne's rough hand closed around his cock and Mal completely forgot what it was he'd been trying to do.
Jayne's beard felt odd against his skin, but Mal closed his eyes and let his head fall back.
"Here's what I think," Jayne muttered, warm breath tickling Mal's ear. "You're wond'rin' why I'm doin' this. Wond'rin' what I'm expecting in return." Mal felt the brush of air against his heated skin as Jayne let go to push his trousers down a little further.
No more words came from Jayne and in all honesty, Mal couldn't find enough blood for his brain to string together any coherent thoughts. Jayne shifted next to him and a moment later, a warm and wet mouth closed around his cock.
Mal didn't recognize the sound he made his own self. Jayne's fingers were digging into his hip, but it was nothing compared to the tease of tongue, lips and nip of teeth against his erection.
Eventually Mal managed to put the gun, he was still holding, down. His hands slid and skittered over Jayne's shoulders and arms, sliding up into the short cropped hair.
Mal knew he wouldn't last for very long. He'd spent the past five hours feeling the rush of blood through his body as it sang with Jayne's offer. A humming noise from Jayne was all it took and Mal shook all over as pure pleasure shot through him.
Opening his eyes was far too hard and for a few moments, Mal floated somewhere between aware and asleep. Jayne's weight lifted somewhat from his side and Mal could hear the man spit and cough a little. Another shift and he heard Jayne pick up Vera and to his surprise, he was pulled against Jayne, who held him close, offering his shoulder as a pillow.
"Not now," Jayne said levelly. "Sleep. We'll need your cunnin' when we go back to the shuttle."
Mal drifted off with the strange feel of a thumb gently stroking along his neck.
The trip back to the shuttle was surprisingly uneventful. If Mal hadn't been busy turning what had happened over and over in his mind, he would have smiled at Jayne's muttered comments about stupid ass trackers who couldn't find their own asses with a compass and a map.
Mal figured he should be happy that going back in the shuttle didn't take as many hours as he'd thought it would. When they'd missed their rendezvous with Serenity, Zoë had set a course to intercept theirs, having the crew all prepped for busting out their asses if they'd been caught, or kicking some ass if they'd been killed, whichever might it might have been.
As it were, she just shook her head with a grin as Mal held up the wallet with their payment. Curtis might have made it gorram difficult to get away with the money, but they'd done it.
Him and Jayne.
Jayne, who hadn't once mentioned what they'd done while they'd been waiting. Whose eyes Mal could feel on him at the most inopportune moments. Even Zoë seemed to notice that something was off.
"Somethin' happen, sir?" she asked when they had a moment to themselves.
"Why'd you ask?" Mal winced as he heard the slightly panicky tone of his own voice.
Zoë raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
Mal sighed and rolled his eyes. "You try an' spend time with Jayne on your own and tell me you come out sane in the end." He could do this, he could cover it up this way. Tell the truth, yet not...
Holding his breath, he hoped Zoë would buy it.
For a moment it looked as if she was going to ask more questions, then she shrugged. "I guess a job that ends without bullet holes and with a profit is a good job," she said, relenting.
Mal sighed internally. "Yeah, I reckon you're right on that one."
When she left him on his own, Mal went to the dining room, not really knowing what he was looking for. All he knew was it was in the opposite direction of where he'd seen Jayne heading a moment ago.
Getting himself a cup o' coffee, he figured he could get some captainy stuff out of the way. Unfortunately they were on course and everything was ready for their destination. All they could do was wait for their arrival.
Without giving it too much thought he headed for the cockpit, trying to start a conversation with Wash, who unfortunately wasn't feeling all that chatty. Which was odd. Wash was always good for some empty convo, some strange facts he'd picked up somewhere. Unfortunately he seemed to pick up on Mal's nervousness and told him, quite frankly, to go be tetchy somewhere else.
The Shepherd and Simon were discussing something. Mal had no idea what it was, but it made his head spin. Kaylee threw him out of the engine room with a quick kiss on the cheek and an order to just let her do her thing... in peace.
He doubted Inara would let him anywhere near... besides, she was taking care of River and even if Mal needed something to keep him busy, he'd had to smile at the River's obvious enthusiasm when Inara offered to pretty her up.
Couldn't be easy being a teenage girl on a ship like Serenity. Even though she wasn't your typical teen. Girl was more unpredictable than a bag o' spacemonkeys.
Those times his path crossed with Jayne's, he got jittery. Jayne on the other hand, gave nothing away. How Mal got through the whole day was a riddle to him, but he did.
Finally hitting his bunk for the night, Mal closed his eyes, rubbing them tiredly. Fucked up, that was what it was. Even if he didn't want to, he'd have to talk to Jayne and the sooner the better. If he let this get between them as Captain and crew, he would never be able to relax and he knew he'd eventually make a mistake if he had to keep going around, wondering what the hell had happened on that gorram planet.
Nearly drifted off to sleep, Mal sat up, startled, muttering a curse. There was another noise from the hatch and a pair of boots showed up on the ladder.
Mal's hand slid instinctively to his gun by the bedside.
"Hold yer horses, Mal. And put the gun away." Jayne's voice was low and amused.
"Tamade," Mal muttered under his breath, reluctantly taking his hand off his gun. He wasn't sure just how smart that was.
"I figured we'd talk first, then I'll take ya up on that offer," Jayne said, skipping the last two rungs on the ladder. Leaning against it, he stood there, watching Mal with a strange smile. He was wearing his usual attire of tight t-shirt and loose trousers, though not so loose that Mal couldn't see the definite interest below belt.
"I don't remember saying you could come down here," Mal warned him, trying to calm his own breathing. He told himself he'd simply been startled, that that was why his heart was beating just a little faster than usual.
"You didn't... I just figured we'd need a little... talk. You been avoidin' me since we got back." Jayne pushed away from the ladder, making his way to the bed. Mal forced himself not to flinch, not to show how unsettling he found the situation.
"Jayne..." Mal packed as much warning as possible into the name.
For a moment, Jayne's momentum slowed, but then he got the familiar, stubborn set to the jaw, and before Mal knew it, Jayne was on the bunk with him, pushing him down on his back.
"Don't fight me, Mal. I got a few choice words I want ya ta hear." Jayne paused for a moment as Mal writhed to get out of the grip. Maybe he could fight Jayne off, but his body was already betraying him with its reaction to the heat and weight on top of him.
"Jayne, let go of me," Mal warned. He had always been capable of getting Jayne to back down before with only words, but as he'd feared, their little 'encounter' in the barn had shifted the balance.
Jayne's eyes narrowed, but, if anything, his grip on Mal's wrists tightened a little. "Way I sees it, you think letting go in here will mean backing down out there." He shifted and Mal bit back a groan as a thigh slid between his, putting just the right amount of pressure on his erection. He couldn't exactly ignore the heat against his own thigh as Jayne thrust a little.
"I have no idea what the gui you're babbling about," Mal forced out. "And I'd like you to get off me right now."
"No you don't," Jayne snorted as he did another lazy thrust that made Mal's head spin. "Ya think letting me fuck ya will make ya look weak. Now, I could let ya fuck me, but I reckon you don't need that right now. So we'll save that for later."
"I don't..." Mal swallowed hard as he forced himself to not thrust upward, to bring more pressure to just the right spot.
"Ya don't have to trust me beyond this room..." Jayne purred, dipping his head down to bite lightly into Mal's neck.
Mal felt his own body shake, and for a moment he feared he might even shake apart.
"Let go," Jayne drawled. "This is about blowin' off steam, Mal. 's not a challenge to your precious chain o' command. Captain 'n' crew don't mean nothin' in here."
Mal stared up at him, wanting nothing more than to say 'no'... unfortunately he couldn't seem to get it past his lips. Jayne seemed to take his silence as a go-ahead and with a smirk, he let go of Mal's wrists, sitting back, straddling Mal to take off his shirt. A little relocating on the narrow bunk, and Jayne slipped, naked as the day he was born, under the blanket. Without hesitation, he stripped Mal of his sleepwear as well, dumping it all on the floor.
The heated touches were like battering rams against Mal's defenses and if he had ever had any doubts as to Jayne's prowess with his hands, those were put to shame as each and every one of the caresses sent his blood rushing through his veins, made him sweat, made him harder than he'd been in ages.
For a moment he managed to pay attention to the other man, just how he was being touched... and before Jayne flipped him over, it hit Mal that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the only one needing this.
Every other thought flew from Mal's mind as he was pulled to his knees, one callused hand closing around his cock while Jayne rustled with something behind him and a slick finger teased along the crack of his ass.
Mal shuddered at the touch, but he didn't fight it. He could have. He could have tumbled the gorram mercenary from the bunk, but he didn't... As one finger slipped inside him, Mal didn't even wonder why not. It felt so good, far too good to turn down. And however screwed up it sounded, he trusted Jayne at this very moment. Insane, maybe, but it felt so gorram good and... if Jayne needed it too... Jayne had been right when he'd said that there was a difference between 'in here' and outside the room. Like two different worlds.
Another finger slipped inside and Mal leaned forward, resting his head against his folded arms. The touches were knowing and skilled and with a sigh Mal let go of his own restrictions. He could do this, could let himself have this.
Drifting a little, Mal lost himself to the feel of three fingers breaching him, then Jayne pulled them out, and something bigger and hotter was pressed against the opening. Mal squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will himself to relax.
If the hands had been skilled before, it was nothing compared to the full deal. Mal couldn't really remember having been so truly taken before. Perhaps because he'd never really had that much of a connection with the people he'd fooled around with, the people he'd allowed physical contact for the sake of blowin' off some steam.
Mal groaned as Jayne finally started moving, the slow pace quickening to a wonderfully wild flurry of thrusts, the fingers around his cock drawing so much pleasure from him that Mal feared he might pass out. Jayne's other hand tightened around Mal's hip, digging almost painfully into the flesh.
It took a long time, yet to Mal it felt like far too fast, when the powerful thrusts became erratic and one final thrust across his happy button had Mal biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as he found his release.
Jayne wasn't all that far behind, and Mal could feel the last few frantic thrusts before Jayne lost his own control. Mal could feel the sweaty skin and coarse hair against his back as Jayne collapsed on top of him, nearly driving all the air out of his lungs.
Mal just couldn't summon the energy to complain.
Drifting for a while, Mal came back to when he felt the bunk shift as Jayne reached down to snag Mal's shirt. He couldn't help grinning stupidly as Jayne used it to clean himself off with and then mopped the mess off Mal too.
The hands were back on his body, and this time Mal allowed himself to participate. Judging from the sated look on Jayne's face he'd needed this as well. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen the other man so calm and mellow.
Sex could occasionally do that to a guy.
Mal put a hand behind Jayne's head and pulled the surprised man down to give him a kiss. He hadn't even been thinking about it, just did it.
"Mal..." Jayne's warning came through, loud and clear.
"Too intimate?" Mal said with a quirk of his mouth, licking his lips, close enough to taste Jayne's as well.
Hot breath burst against Mal's face, but Jayne wasn't pulling back.
"Too intimate," Jayne agreed.
"Huh." Mal wasn't sure how to take that. He himself got off on kissing, but he knew that Jayne had some pretty strict ideas about such intimacy.
Jayne pulled back and watched him through narrow eyes. "Aw, to hell with it," he muttered before he dove in and took Mal's mouth, so hard that Mal wasn't sure he was imagining the sweet, metallic taste of blood.
The roughness subsided fast and Mal realized just how tired he was. Nearly asleep, he stirred as Jayne tried to disentangle himself and get off the bunk.
Mal reached out and put a hand on his arm. He wasn't even quite sure what he was doing.
"There are places you don't get to tell me what to do," Jayne warned as he rooted through the clothes on the floor, finally finding his own t-shirt.
"I ain't tellin'...," Mal mumbled sleepily.
The look of surprise on Jayne's face was priceless. "Oh..." He tried to give Mal a hard look, but Mal had a hard time not laughing. Jayne really couldn't pull it off, not at the moment. Not looking all flushed and sweaty from sex. "This don't mean we won't be facing off at some point in the future," Jayne warned.
"I know," Mal agreed lightly. He wasn't so stupid that he'd think this would change the fact that Jayne would turn on him if he got a better offer.
"I'm ever offered the right price..." Jayne said, still sitting there on the edge of the bunk, naked, with the t-shirt dangling from his fingers.
"I know," Mal repeated.
Jayne looked like he wanted to say something, but no words came from him.
Mal reached out and pulled the t-shirt from Jayne's hand, letting it fall back onto the floor. Lying down, Mal turned over, his back to Jayne, with more than enough extra room on the bunk.
For a few moments, Jayne stayed where he was. Then he shifted, lay down behind Mal, plastered against his back. Mal had to smile at that. Yup, sometimes a narrow bunk had its advantages.
"I still got my price," Jayne muttered against the back of his neck.
Mal didn't answer. He was still a little surprised to find that Jayne was more complex than Mal had given him credit for. Was he doing this to gain some kind of advantage? Of course he was, though not what Mal had first thought. He'd made the mistake of thinking that Jayne might want special favors on the ship. The fact that, even though he was hesitant, Jayne seemed inclined to share the bunk for the night... It was food for thought, that was for sure.
"But..." Jayne paused. "I reckon won't be many who can pay my price..." Jayne's body relaxed against Mal's and a strong arm was wrapped around Mal's waist.
Mal didn't answer Jayne's words, just put a hand on Jayne's arm. It was ridiculous that he felt safe. If anything, he should know that Jayne wasn't the most trustworthy man. Yet the last statement... Mal was hard pressed for explaining why, but he knew those words to be true.
If Jayne had claimed he'd never turn on Mal after this, Mal wouldn't have believed him. Not one word of it.