Good, Clean Family Entertainment You Can Trust

Pairing: Malcolm Reynolds/Jayne Cobb
 
Category: humor, smut, porn, first time
 
Rating: R
 
Summary: After a surprisingly good heist, Mal turns up his charm and the trip back to Serenity takes a strange turn for Jayne
 
Notes: Done to push Nicci_mac buttons... again *eg* (a button fic is just that, pushing of buttons *g*) -- The title is just all quirky fun. It's an album title from a Danish band by the name of DAD.
 
Buttons: Jayne's knife + Drunk Mal + Strawberries
 

Jayne raised an eyebrow. The noise that had escaped Mal had sounded suspiciously like a giggle. Not terribly manly.

"You gigglin', Mal?" he asked. "Not exactly manly behavior, you know."

Mal turned in the seat of the shuttle, eyeing him with booze fuzzy eyes. "As much man as you are," he chuckled.

Jayne snorted. "Says the guy who admits he likes wearin' a woman's dress cuz of the drift."

"'s a valid reason," Mal said airily, right before ruining it all by collapsing with a drunken giggle.

With a sigh, Jayne took the other seat and fired up the shuttle. "Why'd you have to drink so gorram much anyway?" he asked irritably.

"While you, my gun toting friend, was busy robbing them, I was creating a mighty sub... um... det... diversion!" Mal said with satisfaction.

"Uh-huh," Jayne muttered. "Getting drunk off your ass was surely impressin' the ladies."

"They kept pourin' and there was no way of gettin' rid of it other than drinkin' it," Mal said with a grin.

"You oughta know better," Jayne said, ignoring the itch he always had when Mal got all liquored up and approachable.

"T'was good stuff," Mal hiccupped.

"I bet it was," Jayne mumbled as he plotted their course with all its detours to hide their final rendezvous point with Serenity. Setting the autopilot, he turned to find Mal watching him with a weird expression.

Grinning, Mal pulled over the bag he had snatched before they had left the scene of the crime. From its depth he pulled a bottle of that sparkly sweet stuff the core people liked so much. Then a small container that he put next to the chair.

Standing up, Mal unbuttoned his fancy shirt and coat, standing too close for Jayne's comfort.

"Gimme a hand here," Mal grunted as he pulled his shirt out of his pants and unbuttoned those as well. Around his waist was the outcome of their heist, strapped close to Mal's pale skin.

Jayne had posed as a hired help at a huge ball, and as such had been checked as he'd left the place. Mal, on the other hand, had gotten his hands on a fake invite. Guests weren't checked. Jayne had done the stealing, Mal the concealing.

Good team-work. Not a glitch, well, except from the risk of something going wrong with a drunk Mal. Which it thankfully hadn't.

The slim leather belt held copies of the plans and timetables on a platinum shipment. Not a heist they would be doing, but Badger would be paying handsomely for the plans.

Mal twisted around, trying to undo the knotted leather string holding the belt tightly to his body. "Come on, Jayne. A hand would be nice."

Jayne swallowed hard. He wanted to offer Mal a lot more than just a hand, but he figured that would either get him spaced or simply kicked off next time they made planet-fall.

Concentrating on the request, Jayne slipped his knife out of the sheath, holding it so Mal could see it.

"Nice knife," Mal said with a snigger. "Nothing about you is ever small, is it?"

Jayne coughed, trying not to react to a question as lewdly asked as that one. "You want a hand or not?" he asked gruffly.

Mal let go of the belt, holding his hands out to the sides. Taking a step forward, he pushed his way in to stand between Jayne's legs. "All yours."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Jayne slipped the cool metal blade in between skin and leather. He felt as much as saw Mal pulling his stomach in to keep the sharp knife from touching his skin too much. "Don't worry," Jayne mumbled, concentrating on the task. "I'll be careful."

"I know you are," Mal said in a low voice. "You're good with weapons."

Jayne nodded and took it for the compliment it was.

The belt fell from Mal's waist far too soon and Jayne put his knife away again. He tried not to think about how much it had turned him on to see the contrast of the gleaming metal against the soft, pale skin.

Mal took the belt and slung it onto the other seat. Taking a step back, he bent down to pick up both bottle and container. "Here," he said, turning around again, handing Jayne the bottle. "Open this."

Jayne fiddled with the metal wrapping about the bottle for a moment, trying to keep his eyes to himself. Having had Mal right in front of him, bending at the waist, ass in the air like that... He wasn't sure if Mal couldn't actually see what it was doing to him.

Then again, Mal was nicely drunk so he might get away with the ogling after all.

Twisting the cork out of the bottle, Jayne hadn't expected the fizzy to try to escape. With a curse he held the bottle out over the floor, feeling the cool, sticky liquid coating his fingers.

"Careful, it's expensive shit," Mal said as he came back over, leaned forward and put his mouth over the opening of the bottle, sucking whatever bubbly stuff was trying to get out. Standing back again, Mal licked his lips, eyes still lazy with drink.

Jayne swallowed, trying to get rid of the desert dryness in his mouth.

With a cheeky grin, Mal took the container and popped it open. "Was gonna save these for Kaylee, but I figure we've earned a bit o' celebration, right?"

Jayne licked his own lips involuntarily when he saw the four ripe strawberries in the container. Kaylee wasn't the only one who had a minor obsession with those.

Mal stepped forward again, though this time he put a knee on either side of Jayne's thighs, straddling his lap.

Jayne gripped the bottle so hard he thought it might shatter.

Holding up a strawberry, Mal put it against Jayne's lips. "They taste really great with the bubbly stuff," he told him with a wink.

Not knowing what else to do, Jayne opened his mouth, taking a bite of the berry. It was almost electrifying as Mal's fingers touched his lips. The sweet berry tasted amazing and Jayne chewed slowly.

Mal slid a hand down along Jayne's arm, raising goose bumps on the way. "Drink," he told Jayne.

Pulling the bottle up, turning his head a little, Jayne did as he was told. No resistance at all. There was no way in hell that he would be able to fight off Mal like this. Even if he did know that it could all fall apart once Mal sobered up.

The sweet bubbles burst in his mouth and Jayne sighed, closing his eyes. Letting his head rest against the back of the chair, he savored the taste. Once he opened his eyes again, he found Mal watching him with darkened eyes and a slack mouth.

"Mal..." Jayne began, but got no further as Mal pushed the rest of the strawberry into his own mouth, grabbed the bottle and took a long draught from it.

The bottle was set down to the side of the chair, one hand was planted on Jayne's shoulder, the other cupped Jayne's jaw, holding him in place. Then Mal's mouth covered his.

Jayne gasped into the mouth as it opened, feeling the drink spill between them. Still, most of it ended up in his mouth, along with a bit of strawberry.

Strawberries and bubbly water was soon forgotten as Mal's tongue pushed into Jayne's mouth. With a groan, Jayne gave into the temptation and his hands slipped around Mal's waist.

"About gorram time," Mal muttered against his lips when they pulled apart for a moment.

Jayne never got around to answering as Mal stole his breath again. Not wanting to let the opportunity fly, Jayne gave as good as he got, arching up as Mal ground down. The pilot chair of the shuttle wasn't the best place, but Jayne would take what he could.

Slipping a hand down inside Mal's open pants, Jayne found what he was looking for. His fingers closed around the heated flesh and Mal moaned into his mouth.

Mal pulled back for a moment, eyes hazy with lust. Wordlessly he tugged Jayne's shirt up, forcing it up and off when Jayne finally let go for long enough to get his arms through the sleeves.

There was a lot of shifting, and although he was cussing a blue streak, Mal managed to get Jayne's pants open as well. The warm hand he forced down there, nearly made Jayne lose it right there.

Their mouths found one another again and Jayne sighed into the heat as he forced his tongue inside, fighting for dominance. It didn't really feel like Mal was trying to get him to submit to anything, it was much more like a friendly tussle. A very friendly tussle.

Mal pushed frantically against Jayne's hand and judging from the moaning, he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. Jayne tightened his grip and worked even harder at making his captain lose it.

Which he did, loudly.

Tearing his mouth away from Jayne's, Mal closed his eyes and panted and moaned as Jayne felt the heat spreading over his fingers. "So good," Mal groaned. "Don't stop."

"Weren't plannin' on it," Jayne panted as Mal's fingers tightened almost painfully around his cock.

Mal leaned his head down on Jayne's shoulder, drawing in as much air as he could. "Come on, Jayne. Let go, let me hear how much you like this."

Jayne finally lost it, pushing up against Mal, growling deep in his throat as he felt his control shatter.

Panting and sweating, Mal rested against him and Jayne didn't mind it one bit.

"Ruttin' hot," Mal mumbled.

"Huh?" Jayne tried to drench up enough energy to make sense of Mal's words.

"'s hot when you growl," Mal admitted, turning his head a little to lick at Jayne's ear.

Shivering, Jayne rubbed his fingers through the sticky spunk in Mal's pants. Mal hadn't moved his hand from Jayne's spent cock either. Didn't seem to be intending to do so anytime in the near future.

"Gon' make you howl when we get back to Serenity," Mal promised with a chuckle. "Gon' put a sign on my hatch saying we won't be comin' out for the next week or so."

Jayne didn't say anything, but he had to smile a little. He wouldn't mind a repeat performance without clothes and horizontally.

"How's that sound?" Mal asked when Jayne failed to answer.

"Sounds like good fun all around," Jayne grinned.

Mal's body relaxed against him and Jayne figured he'd done good. Hell, he'd done gorram fine this time.

The End